The intersection of family and running

SNAPSHOT

When you have more than one love, creativity and flexibility will help you find a way to continue investing in your loves. 

DIGGING DEEPER

Map My Run author Ashley Lauretta interviewed me on the topic of running with your family.  And boy do I have experience in this dance.  As the kids are one by one reaching their teenage years, I am seeing the benefits of the strategies that I used. They all enjoy running and have a healthy relationship with the sport. 

One of my sons is in love with running and joins in with his running team at 6:15 AM on summer mornings!  Another son sees its value and adds in runs when training for his other sports. And oh how my heart melts when the middle two take off for their own running adventure together. 

My daughter will encourage me to get out and start my runs and even run alongside me for the first 3 miles.

Now my husband, his support is in listening to my nonstop talking about running and racing and coaching.  He may not take a step with me on the trails but he sure will have my eggs ready when I return from my Saturday morning run.

My philosophy has been to model and give them chances to participate but never to guilt trip or force them. My joy spreads.

Check out Lauretta's and a past Adirondack article for the how-tos of entwining your loves of family and running.

4 Tactics to Run as a Family on Map My Run website

Passing on the Joy of Running in the Adirondack Sports Magazine

SOLUTION

Model and have patience. They will come around.

Fueling Persistance

SNAPSHOT

Jealously, anger, and pride don't motivate me beyond the emotional moment. However, I still am a highly motivated person. It is an internal drive that persists on its own accord.  

DIGGING DEEPER

Yesterday, I considered writing a finish time and name on a sticky note and placing it on my bathroom mirror. I wanted to keep my focus on a certain goal to be better than a particular person's best race.  She doesn't know that I placed a target on her back.  And I am sure she does not care one little bit whether I will ever beat her PR. She probably doesn't even remember me at all.  But I have a grudge and wish I could show that I am just as valuable and accomplished. Moments later, I snapped back into reality and acknowledged that trying to fuel my motivation with jealousy wasn't going to last more than one workout, or perhaps not even a half of a workout.  Jealously just doesn't motivate me through a season.  Plus, all the bad feelings certainly don't build my character or make me happy.  You can safely assume I don't have any sticky notes on my bathroom mirror.

At a running party, an unnamed older male once made a comment about me looking pregnant (I WAS NOT PREGNANT, but just had eaten a big meal.) and that if I was not pregnant then how could I not be super skinny and still fast.  He showed up the next Monday to run with the local running group.  I, still offended, kept my mouth shut and let's say ran a bit faster than usual. And the group stuck with the faster pace and the unnamed man may have been quite sore the next day. My anger toward him could only last so long and I would have to forgive him so that it did not eat me up on the inside. I could have used that comment to become obsessed with training hard and turning into the runner body that he expected. However, my motivation for running would have stemmed from anger, not joy.  Who wants to run with someone that is angry and bitter?

"What are you training for?" I get this question posed to me over and over. Usually, after they hear of my last long run distance or when I add in a few miles after they finished running.  I respond with, "Nothing, just running."  I am not training for an accomplishment to announce to the world. Some people don't fall into the trap of pride, but it looms closely over my head.  I need to keep from boasting and my head swelling up with pride.  So I don't often articulate all my future wishes and declare all my victories. I know that there are so many many many runners better than me and that my victory is really just for me to enjoy. 

Alrighty then where in the world does my motivation come from?  I have been dwelling on this thought throughout the last month as I have hit some new highs in my recent training.  I think how did I accomplish that? How come I didn't give up and end the run early or even when planned?  How did I run for so long by myself for no race-specific reason? Why am I the only one out here on Lollipop Lane sprinting 160 meters every Tuesday? 

Explaining motivation is like the struggle to bottle up a child's excessive energy. It is abstract, individual, and ever-changing. All I can do is share some of the bubbles above my head as I have covered the miles throughout my town this spring/summer.  

"Just run for 10 minutes, I can always walk home if I hate the run."

"Run for 40 minutes then this run can be used as a restorative run for my body. Thirty minutes is only a recovery, but ten more minutes will get me into the restorative area."

"Perhaps I will find a new friend while out running. Might as well try."

"One-second faster. Can I run this next sprint just one second faster?"

"This conversation with my running friend is so interesting that I don't want to stop running and lose out on the friendship time."

"I have to keep up with her because I can't admit how hard it is to run this pace."

"Get as far from home as possible and then I get to run home without the using up motivation currency because I have to get home somehow and running will get me to a cold drink of water faster than walking."

"If I get too far away from home and I get too tired, I will just call my husband or son to come and pick me up in a car." I did have to get picked up last month because I couldn't make it home in time to leave for my son's soccer tournament.

"1:25:00 is way too close to 1:30:00, which is the Lydiard claimed boundary for a long run. I can always run 5 more minutes."

"If I have run for 12 miles, why not just go to 16 miles. It is like only running a 4-mile run, forgetting the past 12. And 16 will give me new longest run record for this year."

"I will be proud of myself when I am done. I can tell my kids how far or fast I ran today."

See my motivation has turned from outward circumstances to internal ways to positively challenge myself. I don't need to chase a race finish time or an opponent to become more fit or faster than last year.  I use knowledge and grit to take my body to the next level.  And if I don't race much this year or do race but the finish times don't reflect my fitness, it won't matter. Because I trained for myself and challenged myself and grew stronger in my body, mind, and heart. I am happy running: short, long, slow, or fast.

SOLUTION

Develop your running character to lead a rich running life.

"We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Bible Romans 5:3-4

Image Exposed

Disclaimer: This post has sat in my draft box for over a year.  I didn't have the courage to release it until now.  After witnessing well-known runners approach this topic, it is time we expose our stories too.  I applaud them and want to support the movement to open up the topic of running and body size. Their take on the issue is valuable.  Please check out their posts.

SNAPSHOT

My fight with my image.

DIGGING DEEPER

I remember this day, this race.  I fell apart. My mind, following my body, fell apart also. It was after a long training season where I had run all the correct training, hitting workout after workout. I had worked so hard in every running way to be a faster half marathoner.  However, the PR race didn't happen.  I still had a quick finish time but it did not match my faster training level.

At this final race of the training season, my body called my bluff and I suffered.  For the month after the race, I was barely able to run 3 miles at a time.  I had fallen off the cliff.  My friend, Joe, has always told me that, "If I tried to lose too much weight, I would lose what made me a good runner, my strength." 

Fast forward a few years...

It wasn't until I was scrolling through the old photos that I saw this picture of me in a new light. It is just crazy to me that every other time I saw this picture I didn't see how empty I looked.  How unhealthy I had become.  When this picture was taken I had stopped eating red meat and limited my calories below the amount needed to run up to 80 miles a week. Sleep at night had been put off and reduced to 6 hours.  None of these habits were what my body needed in order to recover from my training.

Take a closer look.

You may look at this picture and say, you don't look that skinny to be unhealthy.  Pause, who are you comparing me to? Are you comparing me to a different body type? Only compare me to me.

My body has a natural body weight where it functions correctly.  Once at a certain body fat percentage and on a reduced calorie consumption rate, I don't lose fat, I lose muscle, valuable muscle. That muscle is what powers me for miles through a race.

I have already ran this experiment several times in my life. Skinnier does not equal stronger. For every pound of weight you lose, 70 percent is fat, 30 percent is muscle. When I am not properly refueling my body or sleeping enough during training, my body gives strong signs that I am compromising my health. Read up on the Female Triad here and here and here.

It started years ago...

My college assistant coach, with good intentions, pinched and measured and plotted out my size then declared, "lose 10 pounds."  No education, no help, no better access to healthy food came with that prescription.  So I did what every logical college freshman would do, limited my calories to under 1,000 per day while training and competing. However, it didn't work for me. The weight scale didn't change. I had hit my own individual natural weight limit. I felt like a failure. I had to give up and try to hide that "extra" ten pounds.

So I have hidden those 10 pounds ever since. Afraid.

I often feel skinny enough when around the normal population.  However, when with competitive runners, I know I am the largest. I have to look at pictures to see what I really look like. I hide the ones that show an unflattering belly. Keeping the photos that got just the right angle, which has become harder after four c-sections.

Do you see what I see?

When I look at this picture I see a weak and frail runner, and not just because it was at the end of half marathon.  I see my body stripped of Shelly Strength.  A thin Shelly is not a stronger faster runner.   

This gets to the core of my self-image and desire to be skinny.  I have talked with friends that are "runner skinny" (super skinny) and they still seek to be even smaller.  They tell of the loss of energy and muscle and therefore no better race results.  It is an illusion that if you are skinny, you will be a fast runner or even more beautiful.  

It is true that the fewer pounds to move over a race distance, the less energy required. However, you need muscle to move over the ground. What will you do if you don't have muscle power at the end of the race when your opponent is blazing by you, is it really worth it?  

Is it really worth it to be constantly hungry and continually punishing yourself by not refueling? Do you love a finishing time or place more than the body that God gave you? Does your body truly deserve to be punished?

I don't want to be a deprived runner.  

I accept my strong body. I am thankful for my body that grew and gave birth to four incredible, make me cry with happiness, children. I stride forward to forge the road for runners that are strong mentally and physically. I am a competitive runner, one who competes to be better than I was last year.  I train and treat my body in a respectful way, honoring its strengths. 

It was 20 years ago that I joined a college team in which I ran and lived with runners that had eating disorders.

It has taken all of those 20 years to recover from the damage and to have a realistic view of beauty and strength as a runner. I declare my body as wonderfully made!

How do you punish your body?

Do you appreciate your strengths?

Do treat your body as valuable? 

SOLUTION

BE YOU!  Be the wonderfully made YOU! Like yourself.

The real Strong Shelly two years ago at the end of a half marathon.

A Long Story about An Unplanned Long Run

SNAPSHOT

A long story with running, parenting, and life principles.

DIGGING DEEPER

An afternoon spring day called myself and two of my children on a short run/ride.  It was an opportunity to get them outside and exercise.  Being it was their first ride of the season, it wasn’t so difficult to persuade them to help me log a few running miles.

On my son’s request, we ventured towards the high school lacrosse field, about 2 miles away.  Now, when I run alongside my biking kids I tend to keep a faster upbeat pace in order to keep up. So the first 2 miles were a bit of a shock to the body and I guessed the run would stay under 4 miles.  

However, once at the back fields of the high school, I found a new path that I had never run on.  Quickly distracted from the tougher pace, we ventured on through the town. My mind enjoyed the challenge of taking the kids to new places within the town and we found ourselves near the Aldi and Menards stores that we usually drive to. 

As we passed the bank that was on my errand list, I regretted not having the check I needed to deposit. Next time on a tour of the town, I will fold the check into a baggie and store it in my Spibelt to reduce driving around town. 

Continuing on by taking different turns than before, we ended up passing the downtown stores. I always feel silly running through downtown sidewalks that usually are trodden upon by leisurely shoppers.

All this touring around the town with kids on bikes requires pauses at stop lights and slowing down as I guard them crossing streets. These breaks don't hinder my long runs because the body is still getting the miles or time on the feet.  Long runs most of the time should be run at a slow, easy pace. Importantly I want to model to my community a family outdoors exercising together.  Back in NY, I strived to count how many summer days I could spend time in my community without traveling by car.  My children have learned how to bike safely and know their way throughout their community. It is delightful to power your own transportation.

Next up was the library and town park/beach.  My daughter quickly planned another run/ride that would include a stop at the library to read magazines and with a checkout limit of two lightweight books.  Once we reached the playground, I left the kids to chase each other around as I circled the park twice to add in another mile.  

Playground hopping throughout a run/bike has been a favorite combination for my children as they have been growing up with a runner mom.  With them on bikes and me by foot, we find all the playgrounds within miles.  They get 10 minutes to play as I circle each park.  Our neighborhood in NY was dotted with parks.  I love the company and watching them enjoy the playgrounds.  

Before leaving the town park we plan our summer kayak trips across the lake to the beach, playground, and library.  Traveling throughout town using different modes of transportation opens up many new adventures and routes.  

With 9 miles on my watch, I knew we had to head back home, but the only way home was around the lake. The last two miles could feel long but I knew the route would go by quickly with a distraction. We stopped at the dam and watched the spring run-off thaw the frozen lake before it continues onto the Mississippi River a few miles downstream.  What makes a run like this fun for children is the stopping and enjoying the scenes and locations.  

Since my purpose for the run had changed from a short usual run to a long run, it didn’t matter if it included a minute stop here and there because I was just going for a minimum running time amount.  

As we attempted to find a trail through a neighborhood that would create a safer route, I was able to include the kids in the decision making, which always makes the last mile seem a little easier.

At last, we were nearing our house when my watch said 1:25:00.  Since 5 more minutes would reach my long run minimum of 1:30:00, I didn’t skip a step as I passed by my driveway.  The kids couldn’t resist the freedom and fun of biking downhill and kept on the journey with me. 

Fatigue was setting in and I was having to focus on just moving forward.  Glancing at my watch, I realized that I would end with 11 point something miles, which would not be acceptable.  So instead of the 1:30:00 planned finish, I declared that 12 miles was the new goal.  With a determined mindset, I worked hard up the hills.

The watch clicked from 11.99 to 12.0 and my body halted and with the rush of accomplishment and surge of tired muscle pain.  

This story is not an oddity in my normal life, as it happened quite similarly today on another Thursday afternoon run. 

SOLUTION

Running Principle I Hold

When there is a fork in the road or several options in front of you, take the longest, hardest, path. This is how you become tough physically and mentally.

Parenting Principle I Hold

Sprinkle fun and options into our family’s journeys. This is where memories and love grow.

Life Principle I Hold

There are many ways to the same destination. Putting aside unreasonable guilt, I have the freedom to tailor the paths within my daily life.

Race Smarter to the Finish Line

SNAPSHOT

Tune up for your next race by reading my latest Adirondack Sports Magazine article.

DIGGING DEEPER

Sports are a strategic game. Knowing more strategies to positively position yourself within the race helps to outwit competitors or even yourself. The racing experience becomes deeper and more intriguing when race strategies are employed. After 16 training years and over 250 races ranging from 400 meters to half marathons, I have gathered a few gems to share with you. When asked to imagine a calming location, often people place themselves on an ocean’s beach. I place myself on the center turf of an outdoor track meet with the hot sun shining down on me as I stretch and listen to the fans cheer.

UPhill

Tangents

1/2 secret mile

Plus 8 more tips to improve your racing experience and finish time!

Read Race Smarter to the Finish Line

SOLUTION

Hint: Smile! It so works!